thank goodness the mad holidays are over. he-human has gone to wherever he goes everyday, but she-human is still around. which is good, except she is looking at me with that look, and that could only mean…
update: a bath, yes. great, now i’ve completely lost the vintage piss smell i worked so hard to cultivate. i smell of flowery shampoo now. do humans have no taste whatsoever? thankfully no other dog is nearby to smell me or i would immediately have been branded a pansy.
oh well, at least a bath guarantees a snack and a trip to the roof where i can chase my ball.
the house is full of strange humans. i can smell them, i can hear them, but they wont come down to introduce themselves. completely uncivilized. i can also smell delicious human-food, so they must be here for a party. i’m not invited, apparently. she-human is far less fond of strangers than i am, so she is cooped up in the bedroom with me. she has told everybody she is working, but i can see her facebook open. heh!
time to bully she-human to scratch my back, and then naptime.
yesterday’s greediness took its toll. threw up all of my breakfast of oat porridge, humans started petting me and making a fuss immediately. does that mean they like it when i puke? must do it more often then. sadly, he-human refused to let me lick it up and insisted on cleaning it.
hah! have figured out what all the chanting and drumming is about. some weird human festival where they decorate themselves madly to go out and see madly decorated structures made of cardboard. what. the. fuck.
update: new humans in the house! who are they?!
update 2: friends of the humans, it seems. one of them is quite nice, he knew all the proper etiquette, he let me sniff him and then hug him and lick him. the others seemed worried by my size and would not approach me though i kept ordering them to come forth and introduce themselves. how rude! the human puppy was quite frightened of me (as he should be, the little punk)
update 3: managed to lick and sniff all of them. they’re ok i guess once you get to know them. the human pup even played ball with me. i hope they stay on. things get a bit quiet with just two humans around.
oh, i met food-human today. was really happy to see her up and about though she seems really sick. she should immediately go on a diet of grass and puke as frequently as possible. hope i was able to explain this to her.
wtf, why are these people still at home? it’s not their days to stay at home today! jeez, and i was hoping to catch up on my sleep.
some maniacs are chanting gibberish non stop outside out house. this could be dangerous. will just sneak out and check. do not want humans to be ambushed by crazies while i’m in charge.
update- sneaked out but got distracted by a bottle of some black liquid on the shoe rack. the cap came off with some effort. liquid smells nice but tastes foul. oops, accidentally sprayed all of it on the sofa and the living room floor.
update 2- she-human went ballastic. chained me and went off to clean the shoe-poliz, as it is apparently called. jeez, if you didn’t like the liquid why did you have it in the house in the first place. now i cannot go investigate the chanting. dammit.
update 3- food-human is sick! she has gone to a place for sick humans. i hope she gets well and comes back soon because the other humans have no idea how to cook chicken.
he-human has disappeared into the little black box again.
the little black box is a little black box that humans hold to their tiny ears and talk into, and there must be a tiny person inside because he answers back. i can hear him.
sometimes one of my humans disappear into the little black box. i know this because i can recognize their voice when the other human talks into the little black box and they answer back. the first time one of them did this i totally freaked out because i thought they wouldn’t be able to come out again ever. they are sort of dim. now that they have gone and come back a couple of times i don’t worry so much. but it would be nice to be told, you know.
this morning the air was full of the sounds of a hundred people running steel mugs across grates. i looked but couldn’t find the source. it seemed to be coming from everywhere. it didn’t upset she-human though, so i guess it’s some normal human stupidity
ah, excellent, food-human is here with second breakfast.
update: he came home late at night. gave him a severe talking to about going awol, but the idiot thought i was welcoming him home. that’s right, human. just keep never learning.
hi. my name is posto and i am a dog. i live in kolkata. i own two human beings and pay another one to feed me everyday and take me out to play.
my she-human is obsessed with this blogging thing so i decided to try it. i usually do everything better than her, but i’m new to this writing business, so bear with me please. old dogs are no good at learning new tricks,but i’m a young dog. and trick would have been my middle name. except i just have one name.